Rick the IT Guy
The zombie apocalypse was really fucking with my head. One minute I was at my job, sucking up to my new boss–don’t judge, I didn’t want to be on the next list of layoffs– then in the next moment I’m running for my life with Rick the IT guy in full zombie brain-eater mode after my ass.
Lucky for me, I chose to wear my flats instead of those new Gucci studded platform monstrosities I bought on impulse last weekend because my new boss is a ridiculously short, insecure douche-bag. He can’t look up to a girl, so I make sure that I wear flats so he stares at my tits. We both win. My shoe choice literally saved my life. If boss man wasn’t a little Napoleon, I would be pushing up daisies, or looking for my own brains to snack on.
Who would have thought this was the way the shit would hit the metaphorical fan? ZombieBob205 from the prepper forum that I frequented must be laughing his ass off at this moment. We all thought he was a lunatic. Who believes zombies will one day descend on the world and end it? We, being the “normal” preppers were all focused on polar shifts and EMP blasts. Now I feel like the dipshit for going with EMP. I wish I would have paid more attention to ZombieBob205. I know he posted a list of the best weapons for a zombie attack but I just couldn’t remember it.
“An ax!” I screamed as I ran into the stairwell and slammed the door behind me. There was an ax in that emergency box in this stairwell, somewhere. Rick slammed into the other side of the door but it was one of those fireproof doors, it would hopefully hold. I turned around, ignoring the pounding and moaning coming from the other side. I had to find that red box of awesome. I looked around frantically, but there was nothing here. I knew it was somewhere, I had passed it every day when I was on my “Get Fit Take the Stairs” movement. I rushed down another flight of stairs and there it was!
“Alexis, you’re a genius” I praised myself for positive reinforcement and hurried over to it, slamming the conveniently provided stick into the glass and pulling out the ax, brandishing it in triumph. I had never held something so wonderful.
The next thing on the agenda was getting to my car. My car had everything in it. The parking garage had to be empty, right? It was a Saturday and there were only a few die-hard workers in the building, escaping should be a breeze.